1) When I was growing up in Los Angeles my brother and sister and I had a hankerin for a tasty treat called Devil Dogs. The only problem was that Devil Dogs weren't sold on the west coast at the time, so we always had to wait until one of our east coast relatives would visit with boxes of the stuff for us to ever partake of one. Of course we'd devour the stuff in a matter of days, but in those days all we needed to visit heaven for a few moments would be to open the freezer door and blissfully pull out the little plastic wrapped pieces of delight.
And then I thought, "This is bullshit. What if I don't want to ONLY have Devil Dogs this week? What if I want to have Devil Dog NEXT week?" At which point I came up with the awesome plan of hiding one or two Devil Dogs in the freezer behind some nonsense that never got used. I did this for a few years before anyone caught on. I got lazy one year and decided to enjoy a Devil Dog in front of my siblings in order to make them really jealous. They started doing freezer searches after that. Game over.
2) We had a video camera growing up. It was one of the super old school ones that was enormous, had super shitty quality, and took a special, awkward type of video that not even digital historians would be able to recognize today. My brother and sister and I had a hankerin for the performing arts, so we were constantly putting on shows and making little movies.
My favorite of all these movies (now possibly lost to the sands of time) was one titled The Berenstein Murder (our last name is Berenstein). It was a murder mystery, and what it lacked in suspense and atmosphere it made up for in ADORABLENESS. Of all the "awwww" worthy moments, my personal favorite, and one that made me giggle for a good 20 minutes when I recalled it the other day, was the opening credit sequence.
Open on a piece of paper with the words The Berenstein Murder written on it, and my siblings and I saying off camera, "The Berenstein Murder!" Now picture a plastic knife being tossed onto the paper, and all of us kids going "Dun nuhhhhhhhh!"
Your honor, we find the defendants...precious.
