An open letter to health care in general

I do not know who is to blame. I do not know whether or not it is the fault of the insurance companies or the hospitals or health care providers or billing departments or doctors or what. I only know one thing...

You people are dumb.

I have spent hours on the phone over the past three months attempting to correct tiny mistakes which have the potential to cost me thousands of dollars. This is not my responsibility. This is your responsibility. It is not my job to hold your hand while you ask for payment from my insurance company. It is not my job to be the only communication that goes on between the hospital and the billing department.

I have just received bills for the following:

1) Over $1000 in charges that the hospital billed the wrong insurance company for.
2) A $25 copay that I have paid already. In my hand is a receipt stating such.
3) Around $50 in copays from eight years ago.
4) A $32 copay for a free office visit.
(Just in case you missed that last one, let me hammer it in for you: I went in for a COMPLIMENTARY office visit, and just received a BILL for the FREE office visit. I was CHARGED MONEY for a FREE office visit!?!?!?!!)

I am not getting paid to be your secretary. I pay an enormous amount of money to make sure that I have health care coverage. That money should be going to pay for competent people to handle things like billing, or insurance claims, or record keeping. My money should be used to train office administrators, managers, and customer service representatives so that they can do their job's correctly and handle all the bureaucratic nonsense that goes into the medical profession.

After I go see the doctor WHO IS COVERED BY MY INSURANCE, then they should bill my insurance company and that should be the end of the story. I am not an employee of the hospital or insurance company and therefore should not be put to work making sure that money exchanges hands.

I refuse to be taken advantage of. I refuse to pay for services that I have already paid for. I refuse to pay for seeing a doctor when I pay an insurance company to pay for my seeing a doctor. Get your fucking act together, you fucking idiots. I am currently filled with rage and it is all your fault. This is not my fault. This is your fault.

But that isn't what upsets me the most.

Sure, you did this, and you are forcing me to fix it. Sure, I do not have the time to waste on this bullshit. Sure, you owe me time, and money, and peace of mind. But that is not what really bothers me.

What bothers me most of all is that you are doing this to thousands of other people who are way worse off than me. I do not have any children to take care of. I do not have elderly dependents. I am not two steps away from bankruptcy. Many are, and you are taking advantage of them.

If someone out there has a solution to this mass mistreatment, please let me know and you have my full support.

Yours,

Jarret

Climate change.

There has been a lot of talk about climate change recently. It seems like more and more people are willing to accept that it is a problem and that we need to take drastic steps to do something about it. Which is great, because that means that we all won't die and shit.

Regardless of the fact that CFL bulbs are becoming the norm, SUV sales are plummeting, and Con Edison is offering a green energy service, one can still see occasional evidence that we have already done some serious damage. Take today for example, when I checked out the weather for my area and saw this:
WHOA! It's...HAZY out?!?! What the fuck is "HAZE"?!?! When did this become an accepted type of weather?!?!? Did I miss a meeting?

If the graphic is any indication, haze is when the sky is dirty, which can only mean one thing, people. We fucked up.

Clinging to my guns...

Remember when Obama got a lot of flack from those comments he made about people who are upset about their jobs and life so they cling to their values, religion and guns? Remember how everybody said they were elitist comments and were insulting to middle americans?

Um...isn't he right, though?

To me that's like telling a friend that they look like sick, and they get all upset at you for saying it, and then you're like, "But, are you?" and they're like, "Well...yeah, but still, you don't SAY that!"

Republicans/Libertarians are dummies

Small government. Let the people rule themselves. The government's job should be to provide a few necessary services such as an army, post office, police, and step aside.

That's the basic belief system, right? Just want to put that out there. This is my understanding of it.

It is, at least, the line that I hear from Republicans/Libertarians whenever I hear them speak about anything other than Jesus, gay marriage or flag burning, which are dumb things to talk about anyways.

But here is my problem with small government. When government steps down, big business steps in, and big business needs to answer to someone. Big business has the money and therefore the power to do whatever they feel like.

The invisible hand of the market does not stop companies from exploiting their workers, destroying the environment, or creating internal and international friction by shipping jobs overseas. This has been shown TIME and TIME again. Walmart. Enron. McDonalds. Most large corporations are guilty of taking advantage of loose regulations and loopholes at some point, if not consistently.

STOP IT! Stop saying that government needs to be small so that businesses can be run the way they need to be run, because THEY WILL RUN AMOK! If it weren't for government regulations we would still have CFC's and a giant hole in the ozone layer. If it weren't for government regulations there would be no unions (probably). Have any of you dummies ever read "The Grapes Of Wrath"? THAT is what happens when corporations are held unaccountable for their actions. Fucking hoards of poor ass Americans killing themselves trying to get to California where they heard there was work.

Sorry. I'm just tired of dummies.

I have an air conditioner

I actually have a lot of things that I didn't used to have. I have a car. I have a mac. A cell phone. A printer. I have pork, chicken AND fish in my freezer. I even have cable.

When I first moved to NYC back in 2001, I didn't have a lot of things, but the thing I didn't have more than ANYTHING was a/c (if you get that joke, then you and I can hang out). I literally didn't sleep for three summers. I went to visit a friend in LA during that time and had one of the best nights sleep I've ever had in my entire life. My roommate and I went to go see "Eight Legged Freaks" in the theater just to escape the heat. The summer when I got a/c I spent an entire day reading the fifth Harry Potter book in unbelievable coolness. I never imagined that I would be so happy.

Sometimes I worry that I won't achieve my ultimate life goal of not having to be a waiter (kidding. Doing comedy is my dream of course). Sometimes I worry that I'm not making the sort of life progress that I want.

Then I think about that first summer in the city. Working at Pizzeria Unos. Not being able to afford anything to eat save for a side of pasta ($2.15. We got a 50% discount, so I only had to pay $1.07). I used to be jealous of people who had the sort of expendable income where they could just buy a cookie if they wanted one. My room was so small I could barely fit a twin mattress in there.

I am not exactly where I want to be yet, but compared to where I was...this shit is the hot shit.

Today is officially hangout day!

I was tooling around the internet yesterday when I came across a review for a show I did out of town recently. It was a local paper, but the review was incredibly glowing, and singled me out as being particularly noteworthy. I got a few email about it from clubs in the city and from a booking agent that I know, who never seemed interested in giving me work before.

This put me in such a good mood that I was actually dumbstruck, and could do little else besides glow. I immediately got on the phone and arranged to spend the rest of the day not working.

"Hey, let's get lunch. I refuse to be productive!"
"Fuck my dry cleaning! You and me are seeing a movie in the middle of the afternoon!"
"Out of printer ink? Too bad, fucker! I've got dinner plans!"

I just returned from my r&r, and feel a little silly. Was that really necessary? Sure, it was fun, but I can't help but think I didn't deserve it. I mean, the reward was the review, but I decided to reward myself for getting the reward. A tad indulgent, no?

Back to work tomorrow. Unless I get some sort of comedy trophy.

the "spaniard incident" (3/22/07)

the following is a repost from my birthday this past year. it gets special notice for being one of the coolest things to have ever happened to me.

well, the big birthday weekend has come and gone. my schedule has opened up a bit. the sun is shining sporatically (GLOBAL WARMING!) and i coasting until i find out how many hundreds of thousands of dollars i owe in taxes (it will seriously be that much).
i lost my voice for most of my birthday weekend, which is retarded. i was so super excited about all the shows and the partying, and by the second day i could barely speak at all.
this is because of what happened on thursday, which, truth be told, was so much fun that it was almost worth losing my voice for my birthday.
i was flyering for our last "this just in.../the third men" show in washington square park. it was pretty out, so lots of people were milling about, but only two troupe members were there to help me out (thanks shawn and sean!). also, i had a conical megaphone, like the kind people in the 40's used in pep rallies. my plan was just to make a big spectacle of reading the newspaper to people, and have the two seans go up to them and give them the flyer.
i started reading the paper into the megaphone ontop of a curved post (very hard to stand on) just in front of the arch, when i noticed one of the sean's laughing at something going on behind me. some kids were milling about and laughing at me, so sean and i started to engage them in conversation, me constantly relaying the conversation to the general public with the megaphone.
they were a group of seven teenagers, aged 14-17, from spain, who spoke very little english. they were delighted by my shinanigans, and remained rapt in attention during my spectacle. after a bit, me interacting with them became the spectacle, as i, on a post, surrounded by teenagers, shouted through a megaphone as they laughed at the few words they understood.
i don't like to brag, but shit i was coming up with was pretty funny. i tried to get them to rob a bank for me. i accused them of coming to america to make global warming worse. i told them i'd adopt them, be their cool uncle, and take them to R rated movies.
but my personal favorite was when they told me that most of them were only 14 years old. i demanded to know where their chaperone was, why spain as a country was so reckless with their children that they'd just send them to another country, not teach them the language, and not provide an adult to look after them. then i shouted out to the entire park, "Attention Pedophiles! There are 14 year olds who don't speak english here without an adult chaperone. Do not come here and rape them!"
just when i thought things couldn't get any more surreal, the rest of their group showed up. now i was surrounded by thirty 14 year olds, all shouting and cheering at me in spanish, and me, warning america through my megaphone that spaniards were multiplying like gremlins. "DO NOT FEED THEM AFTER MIDNIGHT!" for a good ten minutes i spewed as much nonsense as i could while throngs of teenagers laughed and clapped. it was an incredible rush, feeding perfectly into my desire for atttention so typical in middle children like myself.
suddenly they all started waving goodbye and moving through the archway. apparently their chaperone had shown up and was taking them away to whatever educational experience they were there for. we exchanged a few heartfelt shouts, and then they were gone. i got off the post, throat destroyed with screaming, and gave a few flyers away to people who were curious about what happened. i usually like flyering, but now i just wanted to rest my voice and reflect on what had happened.
as one of the sean's and i were leaving the park, we came upon two old ladies in all black, drawing. we gave them flyers and started to talk to them about the show, when one of them showed me what she'd been drawing.
it was me. with the megaphone. talking to the spaniards. it was beautiful, like suddenly having something tangible left over from a dream you wanted to tell people about.
"i'd love to get a copy when you're finished with it."
"tell you what," she said, as she started scribbling "happy birthday" across the top. "why don't you keep it?"
it was the only birthday present i got, but it more than made up for the lack of quantity.

i may have just googled myself...

and i may have also found something that makes me especially proud to be me.

i discovered this.

it wins my award for "best thing to find when googling 'jarret berenstein'"

in case you were wondering, it is totally true.

The New York Times called me "handsome."

i've recieved a lot of really nice compliments in my life. hell, we all have. that doesn't necessarily make me special.

something that WOULD make me special, however, would be if i got a really impressive compliment from a very reputable source. for example, if someone at, say, THE NEW YORK TIMES, called me, i don't know, HANDSOME, then that would be pretty unique.

well, NEWS FLASH mother fuckers! that's exactly what has happened! HOLY SHIT!

THIS JUST IN! "JARRET BERENSTEIN HANDSOME" SAYS JENNIFER BLEYER OF THE NEW YORK TIMES!

don't believe me, here are two links to the article!

NOTE: if you subscribe to the nytimes and therefore have access to nytimes select, then click here for the full article.
if not, you can see a copy of the article by clicking here)

it is a review of a production i was just a part of in williamsburg called "Little Building" about a building who falls in love with a man. i play a host of characters, not the least HANDSOME of which being the clock tower in the opening number.

i play the clock tower. that's, the SAME clock tower referred to in the article as "handsome." i think it's pretty clear what's going on here. someone on the new york times has a little crush. well, Ms Bleyer, please feel free to shoot me an email. if you're hot. if not...um...i like dudes.